Hard pill to swallow!

I was struck by the quiet wisdom in the words, "I choose not only friends, I choose the people I surround myself with… Hindi ko gusto ang toxic.” Bea Alonzon said in her interview. Maybe because, for so long, I was the opposite—I trusted easily, opened my heart quickly, and believed everyone meant well. After being bullied and taken advantage of more times than I want to admit, I finally understood that peace is fragile, and not everyone deserves access to the parts of me I worked so hard to heal. I used to think kindness was enough—that if I showed sincerity, people would match it. But life taught me a harder truth: not all kindness is genuine, not all praise is honest, and not every smile is safe. That’s why I’ve learned to keep some things to myself. My plans, my dreams, even my small achievements—I don’t share them as freely anymore. I’ve seen how jealousy can live in people I cared for, how some will smile in front of me but quietly hope I don’t rise. I’ve learned the painful way that not everyone is happy to see you grow. Some will celebrate your setbacks m

ore than your victories. God has a gentle way of revealing these things. Sometimes it’s a tiny discomfort, a shift in tone, a heaviness in the air—subtle signs telling me who is meant to walk with me and who is better kept at a distance. The people worth keeping close aren’t the loudest, the most charming, or the ones who flatter. They are the ones who are real, the ones who can celebrate my growth without envy, who don’t just protect my name but also help guard my peace. Choosing them wisely feels like I’m finally choosing myself, too. And maybe that’s where my desire to make a difference truly begins—by honoring my own heart first.

The voice inside me... please carry me home, embrace me Lord

Lord, I am not okay. I feel tired, empty, and unsure of where my path is leading. But even in this heaviness, I am still here. I choose to stand firm, even when I feel weak.

I know I am not perfect. I stumble, I sin, and I fall short far too often. Being human is not an excuse, but sometimes my discipline fades and my discernment gets clouded. In those moments, I forget to turn to You, to consult You, to rest in Your presence.

Yet despite all my flaws, I offer my life to You. Take me as I am and mold me into who You need me to be. Use me as an instrument of purpose, of love, and of change. Your voice is clearer than my confusion, and You see the path I cannot.

Lead me, Lord. Guide me where I should go. I am not okay, but I am Yours—and that gives me hope.

The Cry

I used to be the kind of person who could turn anything into something positive. Cliché as it may sound, I even loved the idea that resilience could be the opening letter of my name—my identity, my anchor. But today, I find myself unable to fully understand the person I’ve become. I grew too comfortable, too trusting, that I forgot the invisible yet powerful boundaries I should have guarded with my life.

Now I feel worn down—fragmented. I’m exhausted from keeping the energy bright, exhausted from painting everything as “fine” when inside, something is quietly collapsing. In trying so hard to lighten the weight of every situation, I somehow misplaced the weight of my own worth. I don’t know why I stay silent so often. Maybe I am a people-pleaser. Maybe I’ve just forgotten how to choose myself. Or maybe… I simply don’t know how to describe what’s happening to me anymore.

I keep pushing myself to cry, hoping it will reset whatever this heaviness is—as if my emotions could reboot like a machine. I don’t even know where these words are leading; I’m just letting my thoughts spill in the only way I can manage right now.

What I do know is this: I need to take accountability for myself. I need to relearn how to control the things within my reach—my reactions, my boundaries, my truth—instead of trying to fix the things that were never mine to control in the first place.

Like a Sunflower

Prior to Mama and Ate’s demise, nasabi ko na UP Graduates were given Sunflower as a sign of “hope and success”. And, I wanted to give it to them to remind us that nothing is impossible and to thank them as well. 

Recently, after malibing si Ate I was hospitalized and diagnosed with pneumonia, I need to have 10 days off so that my body will recuperate from tons of stress, overwhelming fatigue and the fact that I am still grieving. 

Earlier today I’ve heard the song, Laban o Bawi by Sexbomb and interpreted the song in a different way. I had this thought that this is my last sem of my study at UP. Mama and Ate will not be happy if I will stop, my situation seems unbearable from losing Mama and Ate, my health condition and some other factors that adversely affect my being. Still, I will thrive to be better and continue to be batang -Lumalaban!

As I recall, I have this dream and desire to reach the finish line. In some way or another, whatever season we are going through, we desire something. Someone told me just to quit and prioritize one thing, which I couldn’t agree with. There is nothing wrong with desiring such things, like to graduate, to have a business, to join civil organization. Our lives are meant to be lived. 

Sometimes, God places things in our hearts to run after because these things are aligned with His purpose. It might be difficult and frustrating at times, but those are part of the process. 

I know these experiences I had are part of the process, wherein I am stretched. He is giving me a test to help me embrace the strengths from Him that are immeasurable and graceful that I can accomplish every goal through Him.

God is steering us to prepare us for something better, just be patient, faithful and persistent. 

I love you, Ma! 🌻

You will always be the strongest woman I know for raising us, for sacrificing so much for us especially saku Ma dahil dakalaon ang pangarap ta para sa family ta. 

I never thought that this would come too early, we even booked boracay and bohol this March as my way of thanking you for everything.

I remember, early as 3am you'll wake up para magpa slaughter house, para makuha nin karne sometimes I join you and you carry 10 to 15 kls everyday for 20 years ever since nawara si Papa. Then, you'll clean them, go to the market for the ingredients hanggang 7am, then start ka na luto, tinda and luto ulit every afternoon ng panindang ulam. Since gabos kami naga klase abu mo kami mag stop kasi sabi mo iyo lang ang kaya mo maitao samuya.

I remember maski may kalintura ka, grabe ang hilang matrabaho ka para dae kami magutom since 5 years old pa lang ako solo kayod ka na, after mo mag tinda iiba mo pa ako para mag masahe, gustohon mo ako kaiba ta dakula tip pirmi kasi madaldal ako.

Maski pag-make up na side line na dapat mo i-rest na, su pag florist mo pag sideline mo para lang sa pagklase mi. Dae ko aram kung panu mo ito na survive Ma, su feeling na halos dae kana naga luwas iyo na sana trabaho mo pirmi para samu. 

Pero su mga pangarap mo para samu nangyari man, dakul pa ako gusto sabihon pero I am sharing this on Facebook para aram ninda how Empowered, Strong and Loving you are.

I still remember nakikihiling lang kami ng TV sa bintana kan kapitbahay pero you ensured to buy one for us maski second hand na gold star, then yung time na gabos gusto mag benjos pizza mga tawo maski warang wara kita since birthday ni Michelle nagbakal ka.

Then, su time na you gave an english-tagalog dictionary, su mga alamat na gustong gusto ko basahon and su mga pocket book. Mama! Grabe ang dedication mo for us, committment and love to the point na dakul na sinakripisyo.

Na-uugma ka saku ta sabi mo, dae ika nakatapos hanggang Grade 3 lang pero ako dakul natapos, nasupog pa ako Ma pag naga sabi ka na ang aki mo naga klase sa UP , pero i know proud ka lang saku.  Pero su trabaho and  pagpursige mo para mapatapos kami nyaon pirmi. Tapos gusto mo pirmi mag send ako picture sa mga lugar na napupuntahan ko kasi yun ang pangarap mo Ma , iyo kunta gigibuhon ta pero wara na!

Dae ka mag hadit Ma, I will always and forever keep every dream we have and will take care of Ate, Michelle and Bing! 

Salamat, Ma! I LOVE YOU! 🌻

It matters! 🌻

I wanted to take the detour or pause for a while since my 2023 desolated the old me, who's full of passion, motivation, and drive to thrive despite the challenges. 

I even asked myself the worth of time I invested last year. Likewise, I managed to see things differently, a matter of changing my perspective instead of seeing them negatively.

I must have mustered the courage I needed to put an end to overwhelming thoughts of what ifs. This question puts me on the brink of worries and uncertainty, especially during the times of deliberate delays and refusal to recognize the value of once emotion. 

I would rather not foster negative behaviors that I might imbibe in the coming days, particularly the inequitable treatment, and benefits that are meant to be casual. 

But, for now, this 2024, I will remain my stature, not because of the delays, unjust treatment and benefits that I experienced before. Thus, I need to appreciate the benefits of small incremental actions done consistently over time and the way I optimistically respond to situations intentionally thrown at me. I also need to get things done, especially my studies, and at the end of the day, life constantly teaches us but nothing as direct as emotional stirring does. 

Just stick to grind, keep your faith to God and rebuild the entailed discipline and habits, and be resilient! Keep bouncing back! Motivation fades, but our deepest reasons why we are doing something better will keep us moving.  Trust me it does, so always know your deepest why. 

I promise, after this quarter I will be in a greener place, with tranquility, less drama, no fabricated stories and most importantly a happy and friendly space.

An Assessment: Beyond Poverty Situation

A lot of points were raised about why we are still on the borderline of poverty. It was infamously known as the intergenerational cycle of poverty encrypted with the system of our nation. But what lies behind these over aching scenarios at the grassroots level of the communities that adversely impact the status of the country.                  With the insurgence of misinformation and disinformation, the issue of poverty continuously belies the marginalized sectors who are perceived to be the primary problem. It is supported by the claims that they are the recipients of social protection and development intervention given by the government. It means that the focus to alleviate the poverty situation is invested in people.  If you have the understanding and cognizance of the social structures, processes, and dynamics, these multiple crises are the results of a neoliberalism mentality.                These predicaments on unemployment, crimes, oppression, inequalities, and the like are the consequences of the decisions made specifically in choosing leaders. Primarily, the majority of the people will continuously suffer because of the unjust policies and transactions favorable to wealthy and powerful leaders in the national and international arena. Even the growth of the annual GDP cannot be a basis of real progress on the ground. Therefore, notably, political leaders have the immense power and direct influence to shape the future of a nation especially if the interest is vested in the human capital, human dignity, and the well-being of the public, not in their greedy intentions.               The unmet needs of the people such as no access to basic services and programs in education, health, etc., contributes to the persistence of poverty. It undermines the gratification of having the fundamental right in achieving a quality of life that is duly impartial and anchored on the basic needs of a human being. Poverty is not just an economic or monetary phenomenon hence it comprises the entirety of the system where individuals evolve.              The boosting population escalated the need to have a secure base on social protection support from the government that includes the availability of infrastructures and resources in communities. It should not be contained to a mere legal paper but the execution and alignment of intervention must be coherently projected to the needs of the people to provide opportunities.               In order to eclectically put an end to poverty, various key actors should deliberately assess the contemporary status quo of the society. Massive actions entail collective efforts and harmonization of ideas as well as principles to address the concern of uprooting this deep-seated obstacle towards progress. It involves the participation of the community people especially in decision-making and prioritizing their needs. The more involvement has been given to the people in the process of problem-solving the more that they would engage to protect their resources, output, rights, and their ability to become the change that they wanted to see in the world.             Ideally, it would be easier to be said than done, but the work is to encourage more workers to partake in this mission.