Like a Sunflower

Prior to Mama and Ate’s demise, nasabi ko na UP Graduates were given Sunflower as a sign of “hope and success”. And, I wanted to give it to them to remind us that nothing is impossible and to thank them as well. 

Recently, after malibing si Ate I was hospitalized and diagnosed with pneumonia, I need to have 5 days off so that my body will recuperate from tons of stress, overwhelming fatigue and the fact that I am still grieving. 

Earlier today I’ve heard the song, Laban o Bawi by Sexbomb and interpreted the song in a different way. I had this thought that this is my last sem of my study at UP. Mama and Ate will not be happy if I will stop, my situation seems unbearable from losing Mama and Ate, my health condition and some other factors that adversely affect my being. Still, I will thrive to be better and continue yo be batang -Lumalaban!

As I recall, I have this dream and desire to reach the finish line. In some way or another, whatever season we are going through, we desire something. Someone told me just to quit and prioritize one thing, which I couldn’t agree with. There is nothing wrong with desiring such things, like to graduate, to have a business, to join civil organization. Our lives are meant to be lived. 

Sometimes, God places things in our hearts to run after because these things are aligned with His purpose. It might be difficult and frustrating at times, but those are part of the process. 

I know these experiences I had are part of the process, wherein I am stretched. He is giving me a test to help me embrace the strengths from Him that are immeasurable and graceful that I can accomplish every goal through Him.

God is steering us to prepare us for something better, just be patient, faithful and persistent. 

I love you, Ma! 🌻

You will always be the strongest woman I know for raising us, for sacrificing so much for us especially saku Ma dahil dakalaon ang pangarap ta para sa family ta. 

I never thought that this would come too early, we even booked boracay and bohol this March as my way of thanking you for everything.

I remember, early as 3am you'll wake up para magpa slaughter house, para makuha nin karne sometimes I join you and you carry 10 to 15 kls everyday for 20 years ever since nawara si Papa. Then, you'll clean them, go to the market for the ingredients hanggang 7am, then start ka na luto, tinda and luto ulit every afternoon ng panindang ulam. Since gabos kami naga klase abu mo kami mag stop kasi sabi mo iyo lang ang kaya mo maitao samuya.

I remember maski may kalintura ka, grabe ang hilang matrabaho ka para dae kami magutom since 5 years old pa lang ako solo kayod ka na, after mo mag tinda iiba mo pa ako para mag masahe, gustohon mo ako kaiba ta dakula tip pirmi kasi madaldal ako.

Maski pag-make up na side line na dapat mo i-rest na, su pag florist mo pag sideline mo para lang sa pagklase mi. Dae ko aram kung panu mo ito na survive Ma, su feeling na halos dae kana naga luwas iyo na sana trabaho mo pirmi para samu. 

Pero su mga pangarap mo para samu nangyari man, dakul pa ako gusto sabihon pero I am sharing this on Facebook para aram ninda how Empowered, Strong and Loving you are.

I still remember nakikihiling lang kami ng TV sa bintana kan kapitbahay pero you ensured to buy one for us maski second hand na gold star, then yung time na gabos gusto mag benjos pizza mga tawo maski warang wara kita since birthday ni Michelle nagbakal ka.

Then, su time na you gave an english-tagalog dictionary, su mga alamat na gustong gusto ko basahon and su mga pocket book. Mama! Grabe ang dedication mo for us, committment and love to the point na dakul na sinakripisyo.

Na-uugma ka saku ta sabi mo, dae ika nakatapos hanggang Grade 3 lang pero ako dakul natapos, nasupog pa ako Ma pag naga sabi ka na ang aki mo naga klase sa UP , pero i know proud ka lang saku.  Pero su trabaho and  pagpursige mo para mapatapos kami nyaon pirmi. Tapos gusto mo pirmi mag send ako picture sa mga lugar na napupuntahan ko kasi yun ang pangarap mo Ma , iyo kunta gigibuhon ta pero wara na!

Dae ka mag hadit Ma, I will always and forever keep every dream we have and will take care of Ate, Michelle and Bing! 

Salamat, Ma! I LOVE YOU! 🌻

It matters! 🌻

I wanted to take the detour or pause for a while since my 2023 desolated the old me, who's full of passion, motivation, and drive to thrive despite the challenges. 

I even asked myself the worth of time I invested last year. Likewise, I managed to see things differently, a matter of changing my perspective instead of seeing them negatively.

I must have mustered the courage I needed to put an end to overwhelming thoughts of what ifs. This question puts me on the brink of worries and uncertainty, especially during the times of deliberate delays and refusal to recognize the value of once emotion. 

I would rather not foster negative behaviors that I might imbibe in the coming days, particularly the inequitable treatment, and benefits that are meant to be casual. 

But, for now, this 2024, I will remain my stature, not because of the delays, unjust treatment and benefits that I experienced before. Thus, I need to appreciate the benefits of small incremental actions done consistently over time and the way I optimistically respond to situations intentionally thrown at me. I also need to get things done, especially my studies, and at the end of the day, life constantly teaches us but nothing as direct as emotional stirring does. 

Just stick to grind, keep your faith to God and rebuild the entailed discipline and habits, and be resilient! Keep bouncing back! Motivation fades, but our deepest reasons why we are doing something better will keep us moving.  Trust me it does, so always know your deepest why. 

I promise, after this quarter I will be in a greener place, with tranquility, less drama, no fabricated stories and most importantly a happy and friendly space.